Sometimes I wish I was still a kid

That age we all were in, where life was simple and boys had cooties. At my age, most girls are looking for guys, dating or just plainly hooking up. Love is all about our whimsical desires. I don't really know many girls in serious relationships (and by serious, I mean past the 2 year honeymoon phase). So I have really nobody to talk to, nobody who really knows what I'm going through and how to give advice that wasn't "he's not worth your time, dump him." Its sad when that is the first response that is given to any relationship trouble. It shows me how little that people care about even fighting for love anymore. It's probably why the divorce rate in first world countries are so high - we simply want to take the easy way out because we can.

Life isn't easy and that lesson is taught to us wayy to often, more than it should be taught. In the same vein, love isn't easy either and it isn't meant to be. If it was easy, we wouldn't place such high value on it. However, it seems with everything else in our lives becoming easier, we expect love to be as well. But guess what? Love is the hardest thing anyone will go through in life. There is nothing harder than handling love.

You might be thinking, what does this girl know? She's only 18. But I do know. I have gone through life experiencing so much hardship. I've gone through all kinds of discrimination, abuse/bullying, depression, I've even been assaulted in a public place and is just naming a few of the things I've been through. I've gone through a lot and I understand a lot more than people my age and heck, more than what people twice my age might have gone through.

But my beacon of light through all of this has always been my man. We've known each other for more than 4 years and have been on and off throughout those four years, more often on than off. He was the one who was there throughout my darkest times. whenever I was crying or hurting. He was even there when I was angry and I took it all out on him. He's honestly the best guy I've known my whole life and he too has gone through a whole lot of shit.

But our relationship has never been easy and I highly doubt it will ever be easy. We fight often and make each other cry a lot. Honestly, I love him more than he loves me right now and we both know it. Just yesterday, I had to fight to even keep him in my life. Stupid right? There are so many more fish in the sea right? But you know what that line means? That there aren't many Right Whales (which are a whale on the verge of distinction) left.

I love him with all of my heart and I know most people have told me to just leave him, that he's an asshole and he doesn't treat me right etc but they don't know him. They don't know everything that has happened. They could never understand. He is the sweetest, smartest and bravest guy I know. He hasn't saved a life but he lives seperate from his family who are doing good for the world, on a low income. He studies whilst looking after his house and cooking and cleaning. He is absolutely amazing and nobody could ever compare to him.

You know how everyone has that best friend, the one that knows you like no other? Well he's that for me. He is the love of my life and I will always love him. He knows and understands me so well. It's hard for me to hold on, and its hard for him too but we keep trying because tomorrow is always another day.

I know some of my friends would be angry that I am still with him and fighting for us, but I don't care. I really don't care anymore. They caused a rift between us once but will never again. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I would not be here, strong and alive if it wasn't for him. Yes, sometimes we don't talk for months but we both know that the other is there and that we still love each other. I'm his princess and he's my prince. I love him more than anything and I will always fight for him.

i'm an avid reader

I LOVE to READ! I can spend a whole day immersed in books, laying in bed with a pile of books by my side or my ipad loaded with deliciously naughty romance novels. Books are a delight! So it should come as no surprise that I write too. Yes, I write more than just blog posts, I write wonderously horrid stories.
*sounds of crickets*

Well, that was a joke if you haven't realised although since I never really am able to read what I've written after I've reviewed it once and then posted it. So it's up to you to decide!
You can find my stories here:
http://www.wattpad.com/user/AnnaHua

You can also find a list of my recommended stories ( the ones I could remember anyway!)

Please enjoy:)

Please forgive me, for I have sinned...

I've been AWOL from this blog since... I have no idea when. it's been AGES since I've been on! I have so many blog posts that I haven't read, makeup collections I had no clue were happening and I've missed the friends I had made along my sporadic blogging journey.

It's a cliche but it's true - life has been a whirlwind.
I've gone through the death of my grandma, welcomed an old friend back, made up and broke up with my ex one or two times, lost some good friends and well, I can't say I made new friends because I haven't really.
Life has been really stressful for me and for the past few months, I've let go of my makeup addiction (Thank God for my bank account!) but it seems my nail polish addiction continues as I make purchases every so often, adding to my the 75% of my nail polish stash that I've never worn. Horrible isn't it? Oh the pains of loving beautiful things! I add and add to my collection yet I'm still nowhere near using anything up (except for that green China Glaze polish that my sister adores and keeps stealing from me!)
I've tried focusing on school which was a total bust by the way -  don't try it if you're dealing with insomnia, stress, anxiety and slight depression.

But hopefully I'm back now, I've been certified as "better" and I really hope it lasts. Life is passing me by and I want to catch up with it!

Has this ever happened to you? I'm upset and very offended.

She hadn't responded to me for days and I had countless responses from other sellers so I sent her a message about it. I was just burnt for the same eyeshadow before where the other seller kept making up excuses and then finally sent back my money but it took a month and a half.
I also gifted her payment which was a fair swap for photographic evidence, don't you think?
I've never had this problem before because all the previous people I've had dealings with have always agreed to send evidence.

Please tell me what you think.

--- D wrote:
> Do you have any idea how rude you sound to someone who agreed to do you a favor? I'm about ready to just send your money back to you, every message you've sent has been accusatory or wanting me to prove myself. You can either trust me and get off my ass, or I will happily send you back your money. Asking for me to take photographic proof! Are you kidding me? You ate so totally out of line. Forget it. I'm sending your money back now. Thanks for the refresher course in why I don't ship internationally.
> --- aj118 wrote:
> > Thanks.
> > Please let me know when you do and could I also have a photo of the receipt?
> > thanks.
> > D wrote:
> > > I got the notification, if I have time to get home and back out to the po, I'll mail today.
> > > --- aj118 wrote:
> > > > Hi:)
> > > > The echeck has cleared!
> > > > D wrote:
> > > > > I have no intentions of burning you, I'm just waiting for the check to clear and haven't been online much. yes i will include the primer potion.
> > > > >
> > > > > --- aj118 wrote:
> > > > > > The Echeck will be clearing soon.
> > > > > > Please do respond to my comments. I've just been burnt by another seller and I'm being really careful about this.
> > > > > > Are you still going on with the sale?
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Thanks

I need your advice... about relationships and love.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was dumped by my boyfriend of more than 3 years on New Years Eve.
He's an asshole, I know.
But he wasn't always an asshole. He used to be sweet, loving, caring and always put me #1. However, thats all changed now because now he's selfish, mean, two faced and always puts me last. I don't know why that happened. I always tried my best to make him happy. He was always my number 1. I guess he got tired of me now he treats me like I'm nothing.
He always used to say that I'm really the only one he wants to spend time with, his "friends" weren't really his friends and they were bad influences. Now he hangs out with them, stays out late without telling me and he parties. He's become a bad apple.

And it really hurts me that he's turned out this way. He always said it was thanks to me that he put his life right, studies and tries his best instead of just partying his life away. But he has dumped me. It has nothing to do with me anymore.

My question is: How do i get over him? How do i cut my ties with him? How do I stop the constant crying or the constant running back to him? How do I move on with my life?

This guy was my best friend. My parents love him. I dont know how to move him out of my life and out of sight. I don't want him to cause me anymore pain because this year is my final year of High School. I have to do amazingly well on all my exams to get into my chosen course. I can't keep moping over him. I know it'll take time but I'm so pained, so numb I wish it would speed up.

If anyone could help me... and give me some advice. Please do.

Comments

I sincerely apologise for not replying to any comments on my blog.
I'm actually unable to post comments anywhere really. I have no idea why. My blog just does not allow me to comment anywhere with this account. If anyone has any information could you please inform me?

So if you see any of these names anywhere, it'll likely be me^^
-aj118 [my LJ]
-Missah

That's all from me for now^^

Thanks ♥

Happy Belated New Years ♥ New Year's FOTD

Hi everybody ^^

Sorry for the late New years but life has been hectic. I know I say that a lot but it's true. I had a pretty bad New years actually. So I had to have a bit of time to get over it. I got dumped by my boyfriend.

We were together for more than three years and I guess now we'll try to patch things up or just be friends. He's my best friend afterall. However, he's been a selfish asshole of late so we'll see.

Ah well. Here is my new years look:

I used this tutorial as a base to create it: From Head to Toe's New Years Sparkle Makeup Tutorial
However, I used silvers and greys instead of pink and black. 



I'm sorry the photo isn't very clear. I had my sister take the photo.



Products Used.

Face

- Nars Oil-Free Pro-Prime Pore refining Primer

- Nars Sheer Glow Foundation in Fiji

- Inglot Cream Blush in AMC84

- MAC Marine Life

- Nars Bronzer in Laguna

- ELF High Definition Powder

- Maxfactor Master Touch Undereye Concealer in Fair

Eyes

- Urban Decay Primer Potion in Eden

- MAC Paint Pot in Soft Ochre

- Fyrinnae Pixie Epoxy [not pictured]

- L'oreal Colorappeal Trio Pro in Grey Obsession

- NYX eyeshadow in Black

- Fyrinnae loose eyeshadow in Dinosaur Plushie

- Chanel Intense Eye Pencil in Noir [not pictured]

- Maybelline eyestudio liner in Blackest Black

- Shiseido Eyebrow pencil in Deep Brown

- Maybelline Pulse Perfection Mascara in Very Black

Lips

- Lancome color design lipstick in Love it

- MAC lipstick in Whirls and Twirls

I've always felt very annoyed when I've read FOTD or whatever and I had no idea what exact shades everything was in so I've named everything^^

For my Nails I used: Chanel Graphite

That's all from me for now! I hope to get some reviews up soon :)

Milani Baked Blush Review

I bought these two blushes on Cherry Culture. I don't recall for how much but it was during their 15% off sale awhile back.

Product Description: A luxurious powder blush that features a mélange infusion of colors baked on Italian terracotta tiles. Easy to use, sensorial in texture, the nuances of color become extraordinarily luminous. Silky smooth application leaves your face looking healthy and radiant all day.

Corallina & Luminoso

These are baked blushes that were made in Italy. They have a domed top and are housed in really nice gold plastic cases. The blush portion lifts up to reveal a  little brush. I would imagine it would be okay to use for sculpting the face but the bristles are a bit scratchy. I would prefer to use my own brush. There's also a small mirror as well.

L-R: Blended with a brush & then finger swatched ONCE!
Luminoso & Corallina

Luminoso: This is a peach. Its really gorgeous and would look lovely with all NC ladies. It looks kinda satin. It doesnt have much shimmer or none at all. It doesn't look metallic or anything. This is quite the perfect blush especially when one wants to contour the face a bit. This is quite pigmented. The blush itself is quite powdery and there was a lot of product flying when I swiped it lightly with my brush. You can't really tell its there in the photos but it is really lovely. 

Corallina: This is a raspberry and gold melange in the pan. Swatched its a golden raspberry with tiny glitters. I'm not joking. This is a glitter bomb. The colour is quite lovely and this is pigmented too but the fall out has spread all over. When applied, you can buff away the glitter a bit but there will still be some there. However, this would be a lovely flush of colour on the cheeks.

The Milani Baked blushes are really nice and pigmented and I recommend you try them. They are $7.99 USD on the Milani site.

I definitely would recommend Luminoso. Its awesome and would fit into next year's orangey trend.